The+DA+and+the+ghost+of+Joe+Orton,+Bryan+Rostron,+Business+Day

Business Day, Johannesburg, 06 June 2006
=The DA and the ghost of old Joe Orton=


 * Bryan Rostron**

SIR, I believe I am in a position to illuminate, once and for all, the great pseudonymous “Letters to the Editor” debate raging in your good organ. This irate correspondence confirms a long-held suspicion: that there is a clique of compulsive letter writers purporting to be Democratic Alliance spokesmen — with spoof noms de plume such as “Douglas Gibson” and “Martin Slabbert” — who are, in fact, devilishly clever satirists. You make the mistake of taking them seriously.

No! Textual exegesis reveals these chappies write to the Fourth Estate to pull our legs, tweak our noses, etc.

Sir, do not be too censorious of boyish pranks. They merely desire to add (in a now, alas, unfashionable phrase) to the gaiety of nations.

There is, after all, a revealing precedent. The outrageous British playwright Joe Orton, before he was battered to death by his (male) lover, used to write letters to London newspapers under the pseudonym Edna Welthorpe (Mrs), mostly denouncing his own plays. It was a cunning tactic, one which the lad(s) who dreamed up “D Gibson” and “M Slabbert” may have imitated. The persona was a sanctimonious, slightly dim guardian of public morals.

The Daily Telegraph, for example, published this fulmination against Orton’s 1966 play, Entertaining Mr Sloane: “I myself was nauseated by this endless parade of mental and physical perversion. And to be told that such a disguising piece of filth now passes for humour! Today’s young playwrights take it upon themselves to flaunt their contempt for ordinary decent people. I hope that the ordinary decent people of this country shortly strike back! Yours truly, Edna Welthorpe (Mrs).”

See, it’s terrific fun when you get the hang of it. Indeed, it was the literary (Ortonesque) connection which first alerted me. In quick succession two supposedly front-bench DA leaders wrote letters rubbishing previous correspondents, suggesting their views were worthless because one had quoted Nadine Gordimer approvingly, the other JM Coetzee.

Of course no sensible politician would (a) be so rude to a possible voter, or (b) wish to appear so philistine that they would want us to imagine that the DA was comprised exclusively of Wilbur Smith readers.

That’s when I twigged: the joke, sir, is on us!

This was confirmed after I wrote an article for Business Day (November 12 2004), suggesting DA spokesmen not be so offensive to potential voters. Initially, I was agreeably surprised not to get a rude rant back. A week later, however, came the ripos-te. Cleverly, it began by saying there wasn’t “a single element” that was “worth a second glance”, then raged on for another eight paragraphs. Though signed Motlatjo Thetjeng, MP, deputy spokesperson, the clue was in the final barb, “One thing is certain: the DA has more voters than Rostron’s novel will ever have readers.”

Yes, Mrs Welthorpe (again), chuckling that the DA might resent rival writers of fiction.

Earlier I’d been rebuked by “Martin Slabbert”, from the office of the leader of the opposition, for misinterpreting his boss in another paper. Tony Leon, “Martin” clarified, had actually said, “the South African reality is that for millions of our fellow citizens, life is no better now than it was in 1994. For many people, in spite of political freedom, life is actually worse.” Okay, naïvely I’d jumped to the conclusion that Leon was saying life was worse for black people. But “Martin” explained: “Leon did not refer to race…”

Gosh, it never occurred to me Leon might be suggesting life was now worse for us (few) millions of put-upon white folk. But when I thought a bit more about “Martin’s” correction, I realised… doh, ’twas another Mrs Welthorpe lampoon!

Sir, when DA MP “Les Labuschagne” wrote (Cape Times, May 12 2005) that “the then National Party members, despite all their faults, respected the institution of parliament, traditions and conventions more than the current government does” you surely didn’t imagine that a well-informed person was supposed to take it seriously?

Not when the DA must woo all those black voters who were excluded so ruthlessly from those gentlemanly old traditions. No, coruscating parody at its most savage!

Pseudonymous pride of place must, finally, be awarded to “Douglas Gibson”. In this droll disguise, Edna Welthorpe huffs and puffs again.

Once you’ve cracked the code you’ll have hours of fun. Recently “Douglas” penned a lovely missive.

“I cannot abide those people,” he wrote to Business Day, “who say ‘blacks do that,’ or, ‘whites do this’.” Then “Douglas” winks at us (metaphorically) by promptly rushing to the defence of “whites” whenever they are criticised, pretending to act like the pigment’s official spokesmen, thus ridiculing the whole tutu.

And last week’s letter from an alleged DA speech writer defending the use of bogus names? That clever clogs behind the alias “Joel Pollak” was subversively reminding us — cheeky imp! — that the previous DA Mayor of Cape Town, Peter Marais, lost his chain of office after it was discovered most signatures on a petition whipped up by him were in the same handwriting.

So, sir, lighten up! “Marty”, “Dougie” et al are merely the playful figments of some anarchic spirit. As Oscar Wilde said of the death of Dickens’ Little Nell: one would have to have a heart of stone, not to laugh.


 * Edna emigrated to SA in 1967, after Joe Orton’s murder, and lives in a Cape Town retirement village.
 * Rostron is a freelance writer.


 * From: http://www.businessday.co.za/articles/opinion.aspx?ID=BD4A211525**

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